Thank you, dear reviewer, for your kind words about my fic. I enjoy hearing what people like about my stories. Your words are like a little piece of chocolate for my muse.

Or not... Just because I delete your anon comment and disable anon comments on my fic journal (I hope I succeeded this time), doesn't mean you should copy-paste your original comment using a sockpuppet on my LJ and my ffn account. Urgh, how annoying.

( But since you went to the trouble... )

tl;dr sockpuppet bashes a character repeatedly, informs me that no one is allowed to hate a specific other character, tells me that a third character can't possibly be straight, goes back to character-bashing but with two new targets instead, while informing me that knowing your weaknesses is not maturity but in fact cowardice.

Title: Gym Class
Fandom: Red vs. Blue
Characters: Grif, Simmons, Donut, Church, Tucker, Caboose, Tex, Sister, Shelia, Sarge
Prompt: 88 School 
Word Count: 2287
Rating: T (For swearing)
Summary: The continuing adventures of the High Schoolers and a game of dodge ball
Disclaimer- I don't own Red vs Blue, Rooster Teeth does
AN- Takes place after School Dazed

-

 

 

( Gym Class, also known as Hell on Earth )

Tags: red vs blue: alison tex/leonard church
Audio Reception: Requiem Mass "Manzoni Requiem": II. Dies Irae

Dear writer for a pairing that I'm just starting reading.

You fic starts with punctuation less text block of doom. Seriously 150 words with no punctuation except a period at the end.

You then don't bother capitalising anything, apart from people's names, not even the first word of your oddly spaced paragraphs. You use ellipses instead of commas and question marks. (or possibly they just ran away, as there are no commas at all in the entire fic.) Periods are apparently optional, as are apostrophes. Some of the words you use like 'comed' don't exist. All the text is in bold.

And those are only the things that are immediately and obviously wrong with the fic.

But you know what really gets me?

All reviews say please write more.

Unfortunately for the rest of us you did.


A reader who is going to avoid your fic in future.

( Photo Prompt )

Dear all writers in Who fandom,

The Doctor does not hate any of his companions. He canonically has been slow to warm to some of them (Barbara and Ian, Turlough) but he would not think when one of them is gone that he is glad to be rid of them. I know you probably hate some of the companions, but you're not the Doctor and don't project those feelings on to him. (And if you hate XYZ, just don't write about them! It's not like there's a shortage of people to choose from!)

With all due respect,

theorclair

Status: annoyed
Audio Reception: cruxshadows - adrift

but:

"Adolph Hitler and Jesus are both my original characters. They are copyrighted and you cannot use them without my permission.

Now, without further ado, here's chapter one of my story!"

Say what now? Is it possible for Adolf Hitler, a real-life historical figure, and Jesus, who you most certainly didn't create, to in fact be your original characters? And copyrighted, at that?

If anything this falls more into the category of RPS.

FAIL, dear ffnet. author, on many - MANY - levels.

Also, this little excerpt:

"While they were talking Hitler found himself checking out Jesus' tight bod. If he wasn't Furor of Germany..."

LMFAO...

Maybe you consider them to be your "original characters" because they are so wildly OOC.

(This was inspired by the, "Der Himmel über Berlin fanfiction." post a few below mine, because how could I not google Hitler/Jesus after that?)

EDIT: for failure on my part to acknowledge or correctly spell: "Adolf"

Status: blank

Dear Star Trek fandom:

Pon farr does not translate to “planned rape time.” I realize that, in absence of a plethora of canon facts, people are going to draw their own conclusions about a lot of things. Pon farr is one of those topics that doesn’t show up much and doesn’t have a lot of canonical information. But, seriously, guys. I’ve read, in the past few days, at least five fics wherein the Vulcan women are afraid of pon farr and describe it like it’s rape. At this point, I’m starting to feel like authors are just using it to create more angst for their stories.

I don’t mind the “Vulcans turn into mindless, violent monsters” interpretation of pon farr, despite how my rant sounds. My mileage varies on that one from day to day. I realize that, when there isn’t much information in regards to an aspect of fandom, people will make stuff up. But, really, does it have to be this mindless violence thing every single time? Canon says Vulcan males must mate or die because of hormone imbalance. Hormone imbalance does not turn someone into a psychotic killing machine.

Remember, kids: Fanon =/= canon, and having an original and different idea is not a problem. Also: Who the hell decided that Vulcans “mark” their mates by biting? And where did this bizarre notion that they descended from cats come from?

There are some fandoms where men are likely to think that women should not be in the military.  The ones that come to mind immediately (Horatio Hornblower, Pirates of the Caribbean, etc.) have a good reason, too, since they're set in time periods when women were expected to stay at home and cook delicious roasts and such while the men went off to have their legs blown off and shed manly tears over their fallen comrades.  For fandoms like these, if a Mary Sue woman is on the battlefield without having to disguise herself as a man and no one bats an eye at it, I'm calling fail.*

There are also fandoms where male soldiers train and fight alongside female soldiers as equals.  These men respect their female comrades and aren't likely to assume that women are useless on the battlefield.  Yeah, there might be one or two guys who have their heads shoved so far up their asses that they still believe that women will just bitch, cry, and menstruate all over everything no matter how much evidence is given to the contrary, so I'll understand if you write them that way.  You're just keeping them IC, and that is good.  Taking Character A who fits into the former category and shoving him into the latter just so that he can either be an asshat for the sake of being an asshat or so that his Twu Luv can show him the error of his ways?  This is bad.  Stop it.


*Unless it's an AU where this is perfectly normal.

Edit because math apparently kills brain cells. 

*edits again*  *throws calculator against a wall*  *makes rude gestures at mathematics in general*

If Hitler were to have a secret lover, I don't think it'd be Jesus, seeing as he was a Jew and Hitler's, well, Hitler.

Also, when I Googled "der himmel uber berlin fanfiction," I was actually looking for Der Himmel Uber Berlin fanfiction, not the fluffy romance of Jesus and Hitler.  I don't know how you got your fic to show up for that search, dear fanfic writer/troll, but I am not pleased with you.

ETA:  The search term that turns up the fic is actually "Der Himmel über Berlin fanfiction."

(Obvious fandom is exceedingly obvious.)

Okay, so it's canon that Character A is violent, vulgar, and really un-PC. Character B is urbane, a pacifist, and without a doubt insufficiently manly in Character A's eyes. (Regardless of being able to beat the shit out of him seven ways til Sunday. And hell, doing so in canon.) They loathe each other. ( Name calling ensues. )

Let me explain something to you, oh authors writing in fandoms with vampires (at least the ones I'm familiar with).
A blanket works by trapping body heat. It doesn't create its own heat unless it is an electric blanket. Trapping body heat. Got that? Now take that little fact and consider that vampires are dead bodies. Dead bodies are rather lacking in body heat. Therefore, there is nothing for a blanket to trap if you give it to a vampire. Block the sun for them? Sure! Warm them up? No!
Please. I know logic is hard for some people. But come on!

All right, we have this female character. She's canonically smart, independent, not quite interested in makeup and gladrags, and - still canonically - energetic and sporty. A wonderful woman, don't you think?
Another woman. A bit aloof, exacting but fair, brilliant mind, dry sense of humour, independent, enamoured in sport. I like her already.
Yet another one. Sport instructor, energetic, single, decisive. She's not that important in canon, but quite likeable.

Well, dear authors. Three surprises for you:
Not every woman who's sporty is lesbian by default.
Moreover, not every lesbian is a fan of sport.
It is possible to like sport AND to like makeup at the same time, really.

Jeez, I feel equally comfortable in a ball gown and full makeup, dancing viennese waltz, and in trekking shoes while climbing high mountains. People usually are 3D characters, not those paper cutouts you believe them to be.

So why you keep writing them this way, huh?

Status: confused

OK just as sex does not cure all ills neither does love or being in love excuse everything. My two particular favourites from the last years reading...

( Incest, Murder and True Love...sounds like the name of a band)... )

 I've noticed that some fandoms more than others are prone to having a plot that goes something like this:
1. two characters make a rather strange and implausible bet, (which is obviously because A wants to sex up B)
2. character B loses, and then has to be A's slave for a week or something like that
3. sex
(4. twu wuv)

The thing is, I often feel like these "bets" are nothing more than poorly-hidden plot contrivances. I know that some characters would probably be the betting type, but....
Just because they made a bet as an excuse to act OOC doesn't make your story plausible, especially when the fact that it's just a ploy to lead to eventual sex is pretty obvious to the reader from the get-go.  If you had them make a bet which was not completely ridiculous and overdone <small>(such as, oh, B IS A'S SLAVE FOR A WEEK)</small> and then showed a natural progression towards the relationship - fine. 
"But they made a bet!" is not actually a good enough excuse, most of the time.
--

Sometimes people write a oneshot with a cutesy title, and then it suddenly turns into a many-shot.  That's fine and dandy. The problem is that sometimes when you try to have your set of oneshots have a linked "theme" in their titles, it can get sort of ridiculous when you start running out of ideas, which leaves you posting what might be very nice stories with, frankly, stupid titles.
I honestly think it's better to leave out the cutesy theme and just give your stories decent titles, in the long run.  Just write "part of the ____ 'verse" or something, sheesh. 

Dear "author":

Normally when people post things on Fanfiction.net, they are (as the name of the site implies) works of fanfiction. Posting a "story" that is not actually a story at all but rather a request for other people to spam you with ideas so that you can use them is not the purpose of the site. You want to brainstorm? Get a beta, because when I am looking for fic to read, I don't want to have my time wasted when I read through a summary and it says you have been "struggling to come up with an idea for a story for months." I do not care. I'm here to read fic, not help you come up with an idea for one.

XOXO

Me

( Onto Chapter 2... )

Okay, author, I have to start off saying that I love you for being in this fandom.

 No, really. I mean that.

Given that about three people I know have even heard of this movie, I was very much surprised and delighted to find fic for it. It makes me sad that such an underrated gem(with such slashy potential, rowwr) has such a small author following and I hesitate at biting the hand that feeds me.

But…well…

 

( nitpickish rant to follow ) 

Status: amused

( Snape the (fried?) wonton. )

( Snape is everyone's chewtoy, and Dumbledore couldn't seduce Anita Blake. )

 

Story Or Series Title: Subjugation
Fandom: Dumbledore is evil, Snape is a woobie, and the readers’ brains are melting. Uh, I mean “Harry Potter”.
Culprit Author's Name: Ravenkiss

Full Name (plus titles if any): Severus Snape; Albus Dumbledore
Full Species(es): Severus perfututum; Albus maleficus
Hair Color (include adjectives): Black; white
Eye Color (include adjectives): Beetle-black *shocked by the canon*; “bright”, “twinkling” blue eyes *again shocked by the canon*
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Scars from abuse and mistreatment; none
Special Possessions (if any): Large breasts and both male and female reproductive systems (courtesy of Voldemort), a bun in the oven; muscular body (courtesy of an aphrodisiac potion that he takes regularly), far too many sex toys to count

Annoying Origin: …Do you really want to know?
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Claims to be one; claims to be one and correctly predicted Grindeldore pre-DH
Annoying Special Abilities: Getting knocked up; being ludicrously evil and OOC, being "hung like a centaur"
Other Annoying Traits: It’s Subjugation, do you really need to ask?

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter and all related characters. Ravenkiss owns this fic.

I own only this sporking.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

( Meet the 'Wizongamot'! )

I'm new around here - hopefully I'm doing this right!


Dear CSI slashers - some of you are fantastic writers, amazing scenes and all.

However, writing a story with Nick and Greg drunk off their asses and staying at Catherine's house to sleep it off - only to have the boys end up doing other things besides sleep (duh) ... well that could get a bit noisy, wouldn't it dear writer? So it would be hard to miss the racket in the guest room, yet you keep telling everyone asking about Catherine's whereabouts that she was asleep the whole time. I'm calling shenanigans on that one, dammit!

Now, onto something else - that might be a (smutty) fandom-general problem: ( Conditioner is not your friend )

Status: irritated

Dear Star Trek Reboot writer:

So you ship Kirk/Spock. That's fine. But there's that pesky Spock/Uhura getting in the way. No big deal; canon's never stopped a shipper before. I was happy to see that you actually showed Spock and Uhura's relationship falling apart instead of going with one of the four standard plots ("Spock realizes Kirk is his soulmate and dumps Uhura," "Uhura realizes Kirk is Spock's soulmate and dumps Spock," "Uhura and Spock broke up for some reason, on to the slash!" and "let's ignore Uhura's existence"), however I have some issues with how you build up to the break-up.

Uhura is not going to suddenly start wanting Spock to behave like the perfect human boyfriend. She is not going to expect romantic dinners and flowers, and she certainly isn't going to expect him to guess what she wants without giving him any hints (much less discussing things) and then be sulky and passive-aggressive when he doesn't figure out.

Spock's attraction to Uhura is not completely intellectual. Yes, that's a factor, and probably a pretty important one, but he isn't dating her just because he wanted to talk about the latest issue of Xenolinguists Monthly with someone. Their relationship is not cold and passionless. And if he doesn't understand why she's acting strangely, he'd ask and try to understand. He might insult emotions, humans, and human courtship rituals, but he'd still ask.

Finally, how can you have Spock and Uhura break up because she's too emotional and human and can't cope with Spock's Vulcan-ness and then expect your readers to believe Kirk/Spock will work? The only thing Kirk has going over your portrayal of Uhura is that he'll skip the passive and go straight to aggressive, and that might give Spock a clue that Kirk is unhappy.

EDIT for typo.

Story Or Series Title: The Dark Lords Raven or so he thought
Fandom: Harry Potter
Culprit Author's Name: mercedescello

Full Name (plus titles if any): Hell if I know. She changes it in every chapter. “Mercedes Potter” seems to be her favorite.
Full Species(es): Surprise!Twin Sue.
Hair Color (include adjectives): Still no mention, unless I've missed it. She keeps calling Pansy “the dark-haired girl” in the second chapter, though, and in order for that to make sense, she must be blond. Which is very wtf when you remember that her twin has black hair.
Eye Color (include adjectives): No mention. Green would make sense, so I'm going to guess brown.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: The Dark Mark
Special Possessions (if any): Draco, Ron, and Fred's balls. Voldy's esteem.

Annoying Origin: She was magically transported into Lily's womb from Sueland.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: She's a Death Eater, then later an Order of the Phoenix member, she's Draco's best friend, she's Blaise's ex-girlfriend and Pansy's bitter rival, she's good friends with Hermione and Ginny, she's Harry's twin sister, and Fred, Ron, and Draco are in love with her.
Annoying Special Abilities: She mastered Occlumency by the time she was eleven. She can hold a Cruciatus Curse for minutes at a time. She is “The smartest dark witch of her time.” She is, of course, Head Girl.
Other Annoying Traits: All of them.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

( We are officially caught up with the Suethor! )

System Location: The dark side of the moon.
Status: energetic
Audio Reception: "Let the Feelings Go" by AnnaGrace

It's 1991, and Hogwarts letters have gone out to all incoming first years. One letter, however, has not reached its intended recipient, because Harry Potter is nowhere to be found.

Now imagine that, right around this time, Professor Severus Snape shows up at Hogwarts with a young boy in tow. A young boy aged about 10 or 11. A boy with a shock of black hair, and unusually green eyes. Who is extraordinarily magically gifted. And speaks Parseltongue. And calls himself Harry Patterson.

How the fuck does no one make the connection? Fail!plot line is made of fail. Someone is going to be asking questions, even if Snape is doing his darnedest to make sure that no one does. And by "doing his darnedest," I mean "simply not telling anyone that Harry Patterson = Harry Potter."

ETA: I know that Harry's being a Parselmouth doesn't come out until the second book, but the author makes particular note of the "oh shit, they're gonna figure it out because of the Parseltongue thing," so it was another instance of *headdeask* for me.

Real people don't have hit points. Neither do they have magic/spirit/whatever points. So it's kind of jarring when you refer to a character as having five HP left in the middle of a dramatic scene, and really weird when your mage starts doing math in the middle of a fight to calculate exactly how many spells she can cast with the MP she has left. D:

On a similar note... despite how it may work in RPGs, potions and other heal items generally work best when consumed, not when thrown in an injured teammate's general direction. (Your guess is as good as mine when it comes to heal items that do not seem like they'd be particularly edible, but hey, you're a writer! Creativity is your thing, right?)

Is a little bit of realism too much to ask for...?

ETA: The above only applies to serious fic - I'm all for joking around with game mechanics for the sake of humor, but it doesn't work so well when you're trying to convey how horrible it is that Character A is at death's door.

Dear writer.

I like your fics, I really do. You have a great sense of plot, your dialog is fun and snappy, and your characterization is good.

Except for *one* character that is.

Why for the love of little green apples is Dad suddenly the most *violent* SOB around. The sheer amount of mental and pyshical abuse he heaps on his son are just staggering. And it's not just one fic, it's all of them that you write with him appearing.

Only he never struck his son, not *once* in canon. He loves him enough in fact to *die* for him and has always been proud of his child's accomplishments. So where you're getting this evil abusive version when everyone else is spot on just baffles me.

And it ruins the whole fic.

Dear Two Ladies coming through my line,

first off the place I work at, the current store your standing in, is a CORPORATE grocery store. Mostly located in the south.

We are NOT a antique shop or a thrift store.

You came in here at 9:58. TWO MINUTES BEFORE WE CLOSED. You went to the bakery to PULL OUT A BIG BOX OF DONUTS out from the BOTTOM OF OUR 'SCANNED OUT' CART which had a huge random assembly of all our bakery goods that sell by date is TOMORROW.

asking for a discount on them is the dumbest thing you could ever do. Oh the box is mashed and the donuts are smooshed a little bit? so you want a discount? maybe its because you pulled it from the bottom of a freaking cart full of bakery goods that go to donations for the needy :|

Oh they were on sale too? a dollar less for a box of donuts is not the end of the world. If you really wanted them you should of came in here at 7 am to grab it before anyone else could. why in the world do you think coming in two minutes before we close would be a good idea?


I almost understand if you were trying for the hell of it, But it seemed like your number one goal to come in here and get the donuts discounted. It was amazingly amusing that you two left here empty handed and made a disgusted "I cant believe this" mumbling over some donuts.

DONUTS!

Love, your Publix cashier that is appalled by your dumb

PS....DONUTS...friggin DONUTS!

( Cut for picspam and ranting )

( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. )

Title: He Awoke and Found it Truth.
Fandom: Dark City
Characters: John Murdoch / Daniel Schreber
Prompt: #29 Birth
Word Count: 940
Rating: PG
Summary: As the city searches through memories of the past, the doctor must make some decisions about his future.
Authors Notes: Inspired by the gorgeously wonderful gift I received for Yuletide, Nothing But Time and a Face That You Knew ♥. Title from a John Keats letter, as well as said fic. :)
I originally intended to write porn, because reading this fic left me with lovely mental images of desperate, long-anticipated kisses, but instead they got all sweet and meaningful....

My Little Damn Table (85/100). Spoiler Free.

( I am certain of nothing but of the holiness of the Heart's affections and the truth of Imagination... )

Tags: dark city: general series

To the reviewer who responded to a slash fic:

Please don't post a paragraph-long, homophobic rant about how much you're SO disgusted and dissapointed at the slash pairing, and then stick in the sentence: "I don't actually have anything against gay people in real life." If you're homophobic, FINE. There's no need to be a hypocrite as well.

 

( Read more... )

This is about a manga but the same thing pisses me of in every fanfic it popped up and I have to read because I like the pairing and I want them to get together again. Do they really have to make them so stubborn, so that a bit of drama comes in the story?

I'm freaking out!

( Bitching about a stupid Girl who breakup with her teacher-boyfriend because of his ex girlfriend and a idiot Teacher who let the girl go and doesn't talk to her even though he is innocent and love her and know she loves him and shit like that. In fact, I'm talking about a manga I'm reading. Warning: Much cursing! I can't help it. )

Status: bitchy

I am so glad you wrote this pairing; it's one I adore and a rare one even in its already-rare fandom. I am not so glad about how you wrote them.

First, she's something of an innocent in sexual and romantic things, and he likes the parts of her that are innocent and wouldn't want to ruin them. You said this in your fic, actually, which was Doing It Right. Having them shrug this off after a couple paragraphs and sexor randomly anyway? was Doing It Wrong.

Next, she's not going to jump into bed with... anyone. It would never "just happen" as the fic said, and certainly not because she initiated and wanted it. She is the type of person who has other priorities, is not sexually experienced, and would need to develop some sort of real connection first, which they don't have at this point and you did not develop or explain in the fic. Oh, and she slapped him for trying to touch her in canon. Jumping into bed with him in a fic set in the same episode? No.

Now let's get to the sex itself, because that's sexy. Only, not. It was written like very awkward teen sex. This would actually be a refreshing change from most smut fic and fit for her, but the problem is that you made the awkward all about him. He is pretty much the opposite of an awkward teen; he is confident and self-assured and suave; not to mention mature enough to be a mentor figure and a leader. You could convince me he's not sexually experienced if you went from a 'he'd be too demanding and not consider anyone good enough and worth the chase' angle, but you cannot convince me he'd be made of awkward fumbling.

Last, he is a very emotional person, yes. But these emotions are kept very firmly internalized. When they start to threaten to affect his judgment, we see him do anything to shove them down and act only according to his rational goals and motivations. This? Does not really describe the sort of person who'd cry over having good sex and suddenly be in touch with the emotions he's been denying so well that even he is unaware of some of them. (Healing vagina instead of healing penis? Should we count that as novel?)

Seriously, customers, do you really need to keep hauling carts to the bus stops and leaving them there? 'Cause, y'know, you're:
1) clogging up the bus shelters and obstructing sidewalks,
2) making extra, needless work for the bus boys, and
3) going to have to carry your bags on the bus anyway!
And it's not like these people have huge loads or anything. Just two to five bags. In the widest f'ing cart there is. The bus stops aren't that far away from the stores, either - always on a side of the parking lot adjacent to the store. Use your arms (for other than pushing), and set the bags on the ground while you're waiting. It won't nibble at your groceries, I swear.

You wrote a long, supposedly plotty fic with what appears to be an amusing storyline and everything. I won't know for certain because I won't be reading it. Why in the world, after a good lead in and summary, do you feel the need to bash not only a secondary character, but the actress who plays her in your author's notes?

Title: Random Morning
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones
Prompt: #56 – Breakfast
Word Count: 564
Rating: PG-13ish
Summary: Jack and Ianto share a random morning together.
Author's Notes: I do not own Torchwood, Doctor Who, or any of its characters. This has spoilers for the end of season 2 of Doctor Who.

( Random Morning )

Tags: torchwood: ianto jones

Puck should probably not be described as "sweeter than usual."  This implies that he is usually sweet.  That's kind of like describing Sue Sylvester as "more reasonable than usual."

 

On the other hand, given that in this fic he is - without any development or explanation - the ~best boyfriend ever~, just slightly gutter-minded, likes being called Noah, and enjoys going for long walks in the park with Kurt while holding hands and talking about their future children, that phrase really isn't a problem at all.

This is the scenario that I encountered in a otherwise (semi)decent fic.

This guy had an accident. Apparently he has burst his aorta. It's very tragic, especially when he passes out in his saviours arms. He's taken to a hospital for he needs emergency surgery.

But, oh! There has just been a major car accident so the blood bank are depleted. And our hero has the rare blood type A+ so his parents are called in so we can find out which one of them can donate to our anaemic champion.

But there is a deep dark secret lurking! His father is not the real father! The suspense is immense. The real father finds out about our brave mans plight and freely gives of his life blood. Anonymously, of course. We would not want the reveal to happen to early, do we?

( Now let's take a moment to talk about all the points in which this story fails: )

A customer at the bookshop where my husband works thought it would be a good idea to scrawl 'FOR HELL...' on the spine of a copy of the Qu'ran and then write inside the front cover 'FALSE TEACHINGS, A LOT OF RUBBISH, SHOULD BE PUT IN THE BIN!'.  Wow, thanks for the constructive, intelligent criticism.  And, you know, for defacing merchandise.  Unfortunately noone saw them do it.
 
And apparently they used to have a problem with someone repeatedly taking all the Bibles off the shelf and placing them in front of any books to do with Wicca.

Hey Cold Case fandom, I've a bone to pick with you.

( cut for possible rape triggers, and possible spoilers )

I know that we're all not the best at history. It's fine to get dates, events, etc mixed up and all, so what if it's just a small fact to keep your historical fanfiction going? I don't mind that at all.

But, when you're writing a fanfiction about aristocracy still existing in Russia, drinking tea out of silver samovars (no, it's not caviar, caviar is a type of fish eggs, dear) , after (key word, after.) the Russian Revolution, while your whole plot takes place in the Soviet Union, (communism=/=aristocracy), well I have an objection to that. Also keep in mind, that not every Russian person says 'da' at the end of every sentence, I understand that if you use a little bit, but the entire page coming up with over four hundred 'da's out of a 3K fic, is well...da, that's fail, forgive me for using da, and cause da, da...er...da?

And what's worst, it's CANON in their verse that the Soviet Union was around (takes place after WWI, starts with WWII, Soviet Union comes in), so I'm expecting just a tiiiny bit of y'know, historical accuracy. And the 'I've read Anna Karenina' doesn't work in this case.

Love and a history textbook,
Me.

Or whatever winter holiday you espouse. Sorry to say, sad fact is, at my store the biggest day is December 24, followed by December 31. Hence... Christmas.

I'm not sure what it is about a season of peace, love and joy toward your fellow man that brings out the most bestial of monsters in people. I could posit over and over, with no avail. I feel, at heart, it's the stress we place on ourselves to make the season "perfect," not realizing that perfect doesn't ever happen, and with the atmosphere the season brings, "good enough" feels like perfect to everyone but ourselves.

But that's making excuses for these bastards.

( Issue One: On Your Emergency )

( Issue Two: On Corporate Society )

( Issue Three: On the Nature of Cheese )

I think that's all from my desk. More as my memories return, but I felt I should post soemthing having just started to come out of the haze. Good health, and keep strong. We service-workers have to support each other. Otherwise, who will?

( Cheesemonger's Pick of the Week )

Hello, I am your friendly neighbourhood personal trainer. I like my job, and I love hearing my clients squee about fitting that dress/lifting that new highest weight/making that team. Really. It's awesome.

( But sometimes my clients really suck )

Authors, let's talk about narrative mode. You can write in first-person, second-person, third-person, multiple-person, alternating-person, whatever. It's your decision.

But remember to keep to the same mode within a single paragraph.

I am an English teacher in Japan.

We are taught in training that Japanese parents do not like it when a teacher doesn't show up for class. It doesn't matter what the reason, or how good the sub is...if the teacher has to stay home, for any reason, it is almost guaranteed that they will be greeted with at least one parental complaint due to their absence.

I came down with a deadly (almost literally) combination of strep throat and pneumonia about a week before my school broke for Christmas. Now, I was hallucinating (rats, people staring at me form outside my apartment, fires in my bathroom) with a fever of 39.9/about 104 degrees on several occasions for a straight week. I could not talk. I could not breathe. I coughed so often and so hard that I cracked a rib. I have twelve bags of unfinished medication in front of me and six bags of finished antibiotics under them.

In short...I was a fucking mess.

So, of course, I received an angry letter from a parent telling me that I should not let my "personal problems interfere" with my job. (translation not mine)

Hey, guess what, lady? You have a four-year-old who had the swine flu earlier this year. You want me to cough on him? Really? Good job. That won't fix the population decline, you know.


Suck the second: (okay, maybe more of a WTF, but I found it a bit rude)

ME: oh, a me!
STUDENT: oh, a notme! (EDIT FOR CLARIFICATION: Adult student, not the parent of any of my kids, who does not know me.)

STUDENT: Are you married?
ME: Uh, no.
STUDENT: Do you have children?
ME: No, I don't.
STUDENT: Why not?

.............

ME: Uh...because...my apartment is really small?

It was the best answer I had.

System Location: Tokyo
Status: awake
Audio Reception: Hot Fuzz

Well, I won't claim I'm new here, though this is my first time posting. Anyway, here goes, expect to be seeing me around a fair bit in future:

Story Or Series Title: Perfection Meets Compromise
Fandom:  Harry Potter
Culprit Author's Name:  MysCrazeXOXO

Full Name (plus titles if any): Gwendolyn Marie Bertrand
Full Species(es): God-Mode, self deprecating, beautiful, veela, transfer student perfect!Sue
Hair Color (include adjectives): Strawberry Blonde
Eye Color (include adjectives): Sapphire Blue
Unusual Markings/Colorations: None, that we know of.
Special Possessions (if any): The heart of every male character she’s met so far. Well, some organ, anyway.

Annoying Origin: Transfer student from Beauxbatons.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: None.
Annoying Special Abilities: ‘Veela Charm’
Other Annoying Traits: This could be a long one... She’s got perfect grades and attendance and can sing, act, dance and play quidditch. She actually comes right out and says “There wasn’t anything I couldn’t do.” Beyond this, she does the whole “I’m not beautiful, I’m just the epitome of femininity and, for the record, have modeled lingerie despite being fifteen years old,” thing in order to have everyone who happens to be in the area at the time reassure her that she is, in fact, gorgeous. Oh, yes, and she makes vicious assaults on Oliver Wood’s character.

( Read more... )

 

System Location: United Kingdom
Status: cranky
Audio Reception: Pulp - Bar Italia

Dear Very Specific You,

You only post your fanfic in one place - your personal journal. As far as I know, you don't have a writing journal, which is perfectly fine. The problem I'm having is with the way everything is presented. It's very mixed up, with no tagging system and no 'master post' that lists every fic you've written and posted in that journal, which means that anyone who just wants to read your fics and isn't on your friend list has to scroll past many long and uncut personal entries we have zero interest in.

Normally, I don't find this to be a problem because I can just scroll past quickly without really looking at the content of the entry. However, when you start posting entries about your opinion on a certain recently-aired episode of a show you write fics for, I get curious and I read what you have to say. This is all fine and dandy until one little thing pops up.

You make a remark that is very clearly bashing fans of this show who are actually looking forward to what happens next. You are entitled to your opinion, but if you're going to bash part of your potential fan base, don't you think you should, friend-lock those entries?

-Me, the reader who is very cautious about your fics now

hospital room

'Bemused' is not the opposite of 'amused'. Really, it's not. No matter how many times you write it, it won't make it correct.

Begging you to pick up a sodding dictionary,
     Me

Audio Reception: Eminem - Puke | Powered by Last.fm

I had two elderly* women in today. One of them ordered a toasted sandwhich ($6.95) and coffee ($3.50) the other a toasted Turkish bread ($8.95.) I tallied it all up ($19.40) when they told me they wanted to pay seperately and I had to void the tally. I remember very clearly what they paid because the archaic til refused to void and I ended up having to cash it off to start again, so the till would be down $19.40. Not their fault, but I remembered them clearly because of it.

Lady #1 pays for her $6.95 sandwhich. All well and good. Lady #2 pays for her $8.95 Turkish bread and $3.50 coffee = $12.45. No problem.

The problem started when the boss/owner asked me to sort out their complaint, they claimed to have been overcharged and weren't making much sense. Lady #2 complained that she had been charged $12.50 for an $8.95 Turkish bread. I realised I had gotten confused and had charged Lady #2 for Lady #1's coffee. (The way they had been talking to me, I honestly thought Lady #2 had ordered the coffee.) I apologised for the mix-up and explained that it was merely a matter of Lady #1 giving Lady #2 the $3.50. Lady #1 said she had been charged for her coffee.

This is when I understood what my boss had meant about them not making any sense. Lady #1 KNEW she had been charged $6.95 but insisted that was for the sandwhich and coffee. I even brought over a menu to show her that the sandwhich all on its own was $6.95 and that her friend had been charged for her coffee, nope, she had still paid for both sandwhich and coffee. I went back to my boss and told him that they were either thoroughly confused or scamming us but I had definitely charged them right, and he told me not to give them their money. He's good like that; he'll always refund if there's any doubt, but if he's absolutely sure that we are in the right, he doesn't give a crap about the 'customer is always right' rubbish.

In the end, they stood in front of our till and refused to leave until they got their money. This is at lunchtime so we had to give them the $3.50 in order to serve other customers. I have to admit, having a boss who has no tolerance for people trying to scam us with the 'customer is always right' crap (he's a sole operator, so if he wants to tell a customer where they can stick ther entitlement, he can, and the buck stops with him) I have very little exposure to having to cave when you KNOW you are right, and I know this is very minor in compared to the transgressions of other customers who are quite clearly in the wrong, but.... grrr.

*I mention them being elderly because it's possible they just got confused. I work with the elderly, they do that. I doubt it, but they could have.